


When I Need You the Most (You Walk Away)

by mean_whale



Series: Heatwave AU [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Cutting, Dirty Talk, Hurt/Comfort, Knotting, M/M, Mpreg, Multiple Orgasms, Nipple Licking, Omega Verse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Self-Harm, slight physical abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:38:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5867833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been several weeks after Oikawa was raped, when a new life event makes him decide to talk to Iwaizumi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Walk Away

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like writing happy stories.

The nightmares started some weeks after the incident, and it was no wonder: it took Oikawa a long time to be able to sleep properly. He almost wished he couldn’t sleep again. Every morning he woke up drenched in sweat and nauseous. Every morning he sat next to the toilet on the cold floor, crying silently so his parents wouldn’t wake up. He avoided every question Iwaizumi asked him, and after a while his boyfriend stopped asking. He saw all the words Iwaizumi wanted to say on his face, but he looked away and made a joke that distracted Iwaizumi’s thoughts.

He knew that what he was doing was stupid, and that eventually he would have to deal with everything he was now putting away, and that the longer he waited the harder it would be. He would talk on the phone with Iwaizumi every night, telling him everything was fine. Iwaizumi would sigh and tell him to go to sleep, and when the line disconnected he would bury his face in the pillow and cry until exhaustion stopped the sobs. He was keeping his boyfriend distant on purpose, and he knew it would eventually end up hurting him.

Every day was draining to him. After he had gotten out of the bathroom on shaky legs and gotten dressed, he put a smile on his face to greet his family. The same smile was plastered on his face when he met Iwaizumi waiting for him and they walked to school. During lessons he let the smile drop, but the moment he raised his head when the bell rang it was there again, pulling on his cheeks. He laughed at every joke that was told, he made sure to pay close attention in volleyball practise, and he continued calling Kyotani Mad Dog with a sing-song voice, even though his body shuddered and his heart ached.

Every day Iwaizumi wanted to come to his place. “To study,” he said, but Oikawa knew he wanted to keep an eye on him. It was only natural, of course his alpha was worried about him, but he refused time after time, always having an excuse to part ways. Iwaizumi would shake his head in defeat and smile before saying goodbye. Oikawa let the smile crumble from his face when Iwaizumi’s back was turned.

Oikawa spent most of his free time hiding in his room. He told his parents he had a lot of schoolwork to do, and they didn’t suspect a thing. Oikawa did try to focus on school, but when he least expected it, he remembered a certain touch to his arm or his tummy or his ass, and he shook his head to chase it away. Sometimes he lay down on his bed, his body burning with the memory of being shoved against a locker or hands roaming his body. He felt every touch like it was still there, all of them simultaneously, and he held himself to feel like he was safe. Sometimes when that happened he glanced at his phone and thought about calling Iwaizumi, but he didn’t want to tell his boyfriend how much the memories could hurt. Instead he took a long shower, and scrubbed his skin until it was raw.

One night, after the usual evening of crying himself to sleep, Oikawa woke up. He had not had a nightmare, and he felt thankful. He rolled around, trying to find a good position to sleep, but something was disturbing him. He lay still and thought about it. He realised the area around his nipples was tingling in a weird way. He rubbed them gently to soothe the feeling, but not only did it remain, he also noticed that they felt different.

Curious, Oikawa got up and turned on his desk light. He stripped out of his shirt and stood in front of the mirror. He looked at the mark on his neck, thinking fondly of Iwaizumi. He touched the uneven scar and felt a connection he hadn’t felt for a while. He would really have to let Iwaizumi closer again.

Oikawa then let his eyes drop to his nipples, and he confirmed what he had already felt: they were swollen. He frowned at the mirror and looked closer, as if the result of what he was seeing would change. The nipples were only slowly getting erect in the cool air of his room, but the areola had clearly risen. He touched them. The swell of them was soft and pleasant to poke, but he was not happy with what was going on. What could have possibly triggered such an odd change?

“No,” he said out loud when the first possible answer hit him.

He stumbled backwards away from the mirror, quickly switched off the light, pulled his shirt back on and dove under the covers. His heart was beating loudly and his breathing was uneven.

It was impossible. It was absolutely impossible. There was no way.

“I’m wrong,” he told himself.

He didn’t sleep much that night.

-

The following morning Oikawa told his parents he was feeling sick and had to stay home. He remained in bed, only his head poking out from under the covers. He was staring into emptiness. His phone had rung persistently in the morning, but he ignored it. It rang again every time a class was over. Oikawa remained in bed, mostly unmoving, listening to seconds tick by. He didn’t know what to do.

It was afternoon when Oikawa finally got up. He got dressed in a haze, and left the house. His heart was beating faster with every step he took closer to his destination. When he reached the gates he stopped.

Oikawa looked at Karasuno. Some clubs were still practicing, some people were leaving. No one really paid close attention to him, and he was grateful for it. He stepped to the school grounds, moving forward with intent, until he stopped again.

The reality was that he had no idea where he was going or what he was even trying to do. He had been so certain when he got up from the bed he had not stopped to think.

You’ve been thinking all day, he reminded himself, but he couldn’t help feeling stupid, standing there by a strange building. He shouldn’t have come.

Before he could turn around and walk away, he spotted a familiar figure. He hurried forward. He had come all the way here, this was his chance.

“Tanaka,” Oikawa called loudly from a distance.

The boy in question turned to look at him. Tanaka’s face went pale and he turned around to flee, but Oikawa was fast.

“Tanaka,” he repeated when he caught up to the boy.

“Look,” Tanaka stuttered and turned to look at him, his face now a bright shade of red, “I’m really sorry about what happened. I should have known better and refused you, and I’m just really sorry. Just… Please, I’m begging you, don’t tell anyone. I could be kicked out of the team. Or the school.”

Oikawa stared at Tanaka’s face twitching with every word, his eyes unable to stop at anything.

“I’m not here to talk to you,” Oikawa said. “But since we’re talking, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have asked you to do anything.”

“Don’t apologise,” Tanaka spluttered. “You couldn’t help it. I may not be very knowledgeable about omegas but I do know heat makes you do crazy things. It was entirely my fault. I should have just…”

“Just stop talking,” Oikawa said.

The situation was getting uncomfortable. It had not occurred to him that he might run into someone other than who he wanted to see. He had completely ignored the fact that both Tanaka and Kageyama also went to Karasuno.

“Okay,” Tanaka said quietly, staring at the ground. “But still. Sorry.”

Oikawa made some kind of a sound of acknowledgment. They stood in silence for a moment, both of them avoiding each other’s eyes.

“So,” Tanaka started again, and Oikawa frowned. “Who did you come to see then?”

Oikawa glanced at Tanaka, whose face had lost some of the flush.

“Oh, right,” he said. “Is Sugawara still here?”

Tanaka raised his brows in question, but seemed to answer his own question in his head. He nodded and asked:

“Do you want me to get him for you?”

“If you could,” Oikawa said.

Tanaka nodded and turned away. Oikawa looked at his back when he walked towards a building, where Sugawara probably was. His body was nice, not very broad, but his posture was clearly that of a confident alpha.

You could have done far worse, Oikawa thought to himself, blushing at the notion.

He could have done far better, he corrected himself. He should have gone home to Iwaizumi, instead of having a near stranger fuck him in public. His stomach stirred at the thought, and he tried to chase away every single memory of that day. He hugged his stomach to stop it from making him any sicker than he already felt, and crouched down to lean his head on his knees.

He heard footsteps approaching, and he knew it was Sugawara. He hated the fact that once again the other omega would see him in such a pathetic state, but he couldn’t help himself from remaining in his position.

“Are you okay?” Sugawara asked when he approached.

“Yeah,” Oikawa said, trying to make his voice steady. “I’m just feeling a bit odd.”

He lifted his head to look at Sugawara, who was looking at him with concern. Yet again, Oikawa cursed in his head and stood up carefully.

“I’m really okay,” he repeated, and Sugawara nodded.

“Did you want to talk to me?” the boy asked.

Oikawa looked at him. He was wearing his school uniform, and his bag was hanging from his shoulder. His hair was moist, so he had probably just taken a shower.

“Yeah,” Oikawa said slowly. “I wanted to ask you something.”

Sugawara looked at him expectantly. Oikawa noticed he was fiddling his fingers, and forced himself to stop.

“I don’t really,” he started, trying to find the right words. “Actually, can you come over to my place?”

“Sure,” Sugawara nodded, and Oikawa immediately turned to head back home.

He heard Sugawara follow him. He wasn’t sure if it was exactly what he had wanted, but it was too late to back out now.

“How are you?” Sugawara asked after a moment’s silence.

“Okay,” Oikawa muttered.

He wasn’t certain whether Sugawara could hear him or not, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He wanted to have a different conversation altogether. And if he was completely honest with himself, he didn’t really want to have that conversation either.

They walked in silence until they reached Oikawa’s home. He let the other boy in, and escorted him to his bedroom. After the door was closed behind them he felt like he could properly breathe again.

Sugawara looked around with a question.

“Sorry, I haven’t,“ Oikawa said and tried to pull the covers on his bed neatly.

“It’s okay,” Sugawara said and sat down on Oikawa’s chair. “I don’t mind.”

Oikawa sat down on his bed and looked shyly at the omega sitting across from him. Sugawara was incredibly beautiful, and it made him feel somehow inferior. He hadn’t felt good about himself ever since _that day_. Sugawara looked like he didn’t belong in his room.

Oikawa tried to hide his nervousness, but his legs were jittery, and he knew it was obvious. Sugawara didn’t say anything, he only looked at him with that same expectant look with a hint of worry in his eyes. Oikawa didn’t know how to approach the subject. He tried to find the right words, but everything sounded stupid and hollow to him. Eventually he simply blurted out:

“How do you know if you’re pregnant?”

The face Sugawara made was that of pure surprise. He leaned forward on the chair, his eyes focused on Oikawa’s face.

“Do you think you might be pregnant?” he asked, and Oikawa nodded.

“But how do I know for sure?” Oikawa asked with a strangled voice.

Sugawara straightened his posture and looked around the room.

“Well,” he said slowly, “I guess morning sickness is one symptom. Uh. I haven’t really thought about it much, it has never seemed very important. Aren’t you on birth control?”

“Yes,” Oikawa said quietly, “but on _that day_ I forgot it. I kind of had other things in my mind. And my heat wasn’t even supposed to start that early. I wasn’t prepared.”

Sugawara nodded, deep in thought.

“Shouldn’t you go see a doctor?” he asked. “That’s the best way to know, I think. But what makes you think you might be pregnant?”

Oikawa felt like Sugawara’s eyes were drilling holes on him. He took a deep breath, avoiding the boy’s eyes.

“My… My nipples are swollen,” he said. “It looks like I’m suddenly growing breasts.”

He couldn’t keep panic away from his voice, and he glanced quickly at Sugawara.

“And now that you mention it,” he continued, “I’ve been sick in the mornings. But I didn’t think about it… I thought it was because of the nightmares.”

“You’ve been having nightmares?” Sugawara asked, looking incredibly worried. “Have you talked to anyone about what happened?”

Oikawa looked at Sugawara, trying to decide whether this was a person that would believe a lie. He came to the conclusion that Sugawara would probably see through everything.

“Not really,” he said quietly. “I don’t want to. I’m okay.”

He looked pleadingly at Sugawara, who shut his mouth instead of saying whatever he was about to say. Silence stretched on.

“I really think you should see a doctor,” Sugawara finally said. “That way you’ll know for sure.”

Oikawa nodded slowly. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth and bit it.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Sugawara asked, and Oikawa nodded before he could change his mind. “Good. We’ll go tomorrow. I’ll skip practice.”

Oikawa wanted to tell him he didn’t have to, that it was okay, he could handle it on his own, but something about Sugawara’s face told him to keep quiet.

“Thank you,” he said instead, and suddenly burst to tears.

Oikawa covered his face with his hands. He felt Sugawara’s warm presence sit down next to him on the bed.

“It’s okay,” the boy said and touched his shoulder. “I’m sure you’ve been worried.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Oikawa cried and pressed closer to Sugawara.

“I’ll help you figure it out,” Sugawara said and wrapped his arm around Oikawa’s shoulders.

Oikawa leaned his head on Sugawara’s cheek, his hands still covering his face. He felt miserable, which wasn’t new to him, but the other omega’s presence made it feel less consuming.

“You can trust me,” Sugawara said, pulling Oikawa into a proper hug.

-

The next day Oikawa had barely gotten home, when the doorbell rang. Sugawara had walked with him after the doctor’s, and Oikawa thought maybe he had forgotten something. He opened the door to come face to face with Iwaizumi.

“Oh,” he said.

“Why do you sound so disappointed?” Iwaizumi asked.

“I was just surprised, that’s all,” Oikawa said and put the familiar smile on his face. “I didn’t expect you, Iwa-chan.”

“Of course you didn’t, idiot,” Iwaizumi said and pushed his way in, “you haven’t been answering your phone. I was worried.”

Oikawa closed the door in defeat when it became obvious Iwaizumi wasn’t going to leave any time soon.

“I’ve been feeling sick,” Oikawa said, but avoided Iwaizumi’s scrutinising eyes.

“You should have told me,” Iwaizumi said, leading Oikawa towards the bedroom.

Oikawa sighed, and offered no explanation. He followed Iwaizumi, eyes locked on his back. It was a familiar sight from volleyball, but seeing it outside the court always made him feel uneasy. He felt like Iwaizumi was literally turning his back to him.

Iwaizumi sat down on the bed, and Oikawa closed the door. He hovered there, uncertain of what to do.

“Come here,” Iwaizumi said, patting a spot next to him.

Oikawa hesitated visibly.

“What’s going on?” Iwaizumi asked.

Oikawa didn’t like the scowl on Iwaizumi’s face. He didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to act normal. He crossed his arms, but then let them fall back to his sides.

“Iwa-chan,” he said, just to calm his nerves.

Iwaizumi was looking at him expectantly, but he still wasn’t sure what to do.

“Come here,” Iwaizumi said, and this time Oikawa did as he was told.

He sat stiffly at the edge of the bed, head turned away from the alpha.

“Oikawa?” Iwaizumi tried, but when there was no reaction, he said, “Tooru?”

Oikawa turned his head towards Iwaizumi but didn’t look at him.

“I think there’s something I need to tell you,” he finally said.

Iwaizumi moved to sit closer to him. The closeness of his own alpha was as comforting as ever, and that’s what made him feel even worse. A part of him wanted to cuddle up to the warmth next to him, but a part wanted to keep Iwaizumi at least at an arm’s length.

“I,” he started, but hesitated. “About that day…”

Iwaizumi stroked Oikawa’s cheek with soft fingers. The touch made him jump, and Iwaizumi withdrew his hand.

“It started in school,” Oikawa said quietly, his head turned down, so he was staring at Iwaizumi’s calves. “He… I told him to stop but he didn’t. And I… He… Then I left to come home but I ran into Ka- someone on the way, and he took me to Karasuno and…”

Oikawa took a deep breath. His body was shaking, and he could hear it in his own voice.

“But he was interrupted by another alpha,” Oikawa said. “He was kind. He asked me how I was.”

“I’m glad he found you in time,” Iwaizumi said, when Oikawa fell silent again.

Oikawa sniffed and nodded.

“I guess that’s why I,” he said and halted.

Was it really a good idea to tell Iwaizumi?

It was no time for hesitation, Oikawa reminded himself. He had been thinking about this for weeks, and he had made up his mind on the way home today. He had made his decision, and now he would follow through. He glimpsed at Iwaizumi, who was focused on him. It was scary. He wished Iwaizumi would look away.

“I asked him to fuck me,” Oikawa finally said with a hushed voice. “I begged him to fuck me.”

He peeked at Iwaizumi’s face again. The alpha was still staring at him intently with the same face as before, but there was something frozen about it.

“And he did,” Oikawa added in a whisper.

Oikawa turned to properly look at Iwaizumi, but before his eyes could focus on his boyfriend, he felt a sting on his face. His head moved with the power of Iwaizumi’s slap, throwing his entire body away from the alpha. Tears prickled at his eyes when he lifted a hand to touch his burning cheek and looked at Iwaizumi, who had stood up.

Iwaizumi’s body was stiff, and his hands were fists on his sides. Oikawa looked into his eyes, but instead of seeing the anger and hate he was expecting he encountered hurt.

Oikawa opened his mouth to speak, but Iwaizumi turned on his heels and stormed out of the room. Oikawa got up to go after him, but then decided otherwise. He listened to the stomping stop at the door, how Iwaizumi struggled to get his shoes on as quickly as he possibly could, and finally a door slammed shut, leaving behind silence.

He sat down again. There was still a warm spot left where Iwaizumi had sat just a moment ago. He pressed his hand against the warmth, before lowering his head to lay on it. There was a lingering scent of Iwaizumi in the air, but nothing could fill the hollow of his heart.


	2. I Need You the Most

He stopped going to volleyball practise. He told Irihata and Mizoguchi that he had injured his knee again, and had received strict instructions to rest until it gets better. So, after school Oikawa headed home to his room where he lay on the bed. It had been over a week since he and Iwaizumi had their fight, and Iwaizumi hadn’t acknowledged his existence in any way during that time. That made it very hard to keep the carefree smile on his face, and when he returned home he didn’t move for several hours, just stared at the ceiling.

Today was a bad day. His thoughts wouldn’t stop going over details of being manhandled by unfriendly alphas, and somehow he could smell the earth just the way he had smelled it when he lay on the ground and Kageyama rammed into him hard. A dull ache on his nose reminded him of the smell of the lockers, when Kyotani pressed his face against a door while ripping him open. Then there was Tanaka, the way he kissed him before rolling his hips in a gentle manner, and all of their touches mingled in his head, spreading all over his body, and he sank into a dark place. He was shaking violently, tears streaming down his distorted face, and he dragged his nails along his arm in effort to hold himself safe.

He pressed harder, and the pain on his skin chased away the ghosts. He sat up and looked at his arm. Red marks travelled all the way down from his elbow to his wrist, not quite bleeding, but the skin was broken. It gave him a different sensation, complete opposite of the pain he had been feeling before. He felt like he was finally in control of something. He touched the lines with his fingertips. His skin was stinging. He lay down again, and it was easier to breathe.

The next day it happened again, except this time he scratched on purpose and much harder. The relief he felt after his skin was broken and angry was intoxicating. The following day he used the blade of his scissors and drew blood. It became a routine for him to come home from school, settle down on his bed, and cut a new line on his arm. He put the blade away and sank into his pillow, blood slowly trickling down his skin, but never dropping on the bed. His heart stopped beating too fast, and the weight he had been carrying around in his chest for weeks was momentarily lifted.

He made sure to keep his sleeves down and to move his arm in ways that would not make him flinch. He sometimes forgot to smile because of how focused he was on nobody seeing anything they weren’t supposed to see, and since he was no longer playing volleyball, he found it easier to distance himself from his friends. He wanted to stay as far away from everyone as he could, so no one would notice the changes in his body.

There had been changes. They were still subtle, but he noticed them, because he knew to look for them. His hips hand gotten slightly rounder and he feared the day when he wouldn’t be able to fit in his uniform properly anymore. The area surrounding his nipples was swelling more and it was often sore, and he was getting emotional over stupid little things. Sometimes he woke up at night, listening to the life growing in his own body. He cried, because eventually he would have to do something about it. Sugawara kept telling him it wasn’t noticeable yet, but eventually people would notice.

His parents went away for the weekend, and Oikawa enjoyed the opportunity of walking around the house in his pyjamas all day without worrying that his breasts or arm would draw attention. He had been staring at his body in the mirror, with and without clothes, and he was certain his stomach had grown just a bit bigger. It could have simply been the side effect of him not exercising anymore, but to him it felt like the end. He went up to his room and cut his arm, but it did nothing.

Blood travelled down his pale skin, and he had never felt that empty. He had never felt so useless and miserable and alone. Tears blinding his eyes he picked up the phone and called the only number he had always known by heart.

Iwaizumi’s voice wasn’t very friendly when he answered. Oikawa couldn’t quite decide whether it was annoyed or surprised. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and stuttered:

“Iwa-chan, please. I need you.”

-

Oikawa’s eyes were still heavy from crying when the doorbell rang. He hadn’t changed his clothes. He hadn’t even wiped the blood away from his arm, which had resulted in some of it getting on his shirt. He felt like he was shaking, but when he looked at his body, it was perfectly still. With numb fingers he opened the lock and pushed the door open.

Iwaizumi frowned at the sight of him. Oikawa wondered whether it was because the alpha didn’t really want to be there, or because he was absolutely hideous with his swollen eyes and messy hair. He stepped away from the door and Iwaizumi stepped in. He tried to quickly retreat back to the comfort of his room, when a hand grabbed his right wrist.

“What’s on your arm?” Iwaizumi asked, trying to pull Oikawa closer to take a look at the left arm he was now hiding behind his body.

“Nothing,” Oikawa said, refusing to turn around.

Iwaizumi kicked his shoes off and stepped closer. Oikawa tried to run, but Iwaizumi took a hold of his other arm too, forcing him to expose it.

There was an audible gasp from Iwaizumi when Oikawa turned his arm visible.

“What have you done,” Iwaizumi said quietly, his words heavy with pain, and Oikawa couldn’t look at him.

Iwaizumi tried to coax him into looking at him, but he stubbornly kept his head turned away.

“Tooru,” the alpha finally said with so much love in his voice Oikawa felt his carefully crafted façade crumble.

Iwaizumi pulled him into a tight hug. Oikawa tried to blink the tears away, but they kept coming back. His breath was stuttering when he murmured into Iwaizumi’s ear:

“I’m pregnant.”

Iwaizumi hugged him even tighter, his voice breaking when he spoke:

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Oikawa breathed hard, trying to calm down so he could speak.

“You left before I had a chance.”

Iwaizumi let go of Oikawa and looked at his face. Oikawa avoided his eyes and turned his head away, but Iwaizumi took a hold of both his cheeks and gently forced him to face him.

“You should have made me listen,” he said but then shook his head. “Shit. I’m sorry. Tooru, I’m so sorry. I lost my temper completely, and I shouldn’t have. The thought of you being with someone else was just so maddening I lost control. I’m so sorry.”

Gently Iwaizumi kissed his forehead.

“I should have never hit you,” the alpha continued. “I know how hard and painful it is when the heat gets to a certain point, and I’m sure that’s what you were trying to tell me, weren’t you?”

Oikawa nodded and sniffed, his tears trickling on Iwaizumi’s fingers.

“I really appreciate you being honest,” Iwaizumi said. “And I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell it to you, and I was getting so worried when you stopped coming to volleyball practise, but I was angry at myself and afraid that I had hurt you too much.”

Iwaizumi let go of Oikawa’s left cheek and trailed his fingers down to his neck, where Oikawa was carrying his mark.

“I should have done my duty as your alpha,” he said quietly, “and stayed by your side. Hell, I should have done my duty as your friend and stayed to support you.”

“But you came when I called,” Oikawa said, his lashes heavy with tears.

He rubbed his eyes dry and looked at Iwaizumi, who was looking at him with such gentleness it overwhelmed him.

Oikawa took Iwaizumi’s hand into his own and pulled him behind him to the bedroom, where he felt better. He settled on the bed, still pulling Iwaizumi with him, positioning the alpha so that he could cuddle close. He rested his head on Iwaizumi’s chest and listened to his heart beat. Iwaizumi took a hold of his left wrist and lifted the arm to look at it again.

“What were you thinking?” Iwaizumi asked quietly, the words making Oikawa tremble.

“It hurt too much,” he said quietly. “I can still remember every touch on my body, I remember the smell of being forced open and the sound of a cock slipping inside me.

Iwaizumi pulled his hand up and kissed the fingers.

“I had no idea,” the alpha said.

“I know,” Oikawa said and breathed in the calming scent of his boyfriend. “It hurt too much.”

“Will you tell me about it now?” Iwaizumi asked, his lips brushing against Oikawa’s knuckles.

Oikawa nodded against Iwaizumi’s chest, and started talking, recalling every little thing in an avalanche of words. With every detail exposed he felt the pain crack inside him and the darkness lift from his mind. Iwaizumi’s fingers were stroking his hand and his hair, and for the first time he felt completely secure as he let the memories wash over him.

When he got to Tanaka, he hesitated for a bit, but then chose to speak the absolutely truth. Iwaizumi possessively pulled him closer to his body, as if it would erase the memory of being taken by another alpha. Oikawa pressed his cheek tightly against Iwaizumi’s chest, and didn’t stop talking until he got to the part that Iwaizumi had witnessed himself.

Silence fell over them, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Oikawa knew that Iwaizumi needed time to take it all in, and he himself needed a moment to breathe. His heart was racing, but otherwise his body hadn’t reacted badly to what he had just relived. His hand was pressing against Iwaizumi’s warm body, and he turned slightly to position his leg between the alpha’s.

“Won’t you tell me who they were?” Iwaizumi asked finally.

“I don’t want to,” Oikawa said.

“You should,” Iwaizumi said. “What they did was wrong. It’s illegal.”

“I don’t want to,” Oikawa repeated, and Iwaizumi stroked his hair.

“Well, I guess I understand why,” he said slowly. “Thank you for finally telling me.”

“I’m sorry it was so horrible,” Oikawa said, triggering a melancholy laugh from his boyfriend.

“It’s not your fault it happened,” Iwaizumi said. “I’m just glad you’re safe. Well…”

Iwaizumi lifted the mutilated arm to look at it again.

“Is this because of the memories or because of me?” he asked cautiously.

Oikawa lifted himself up to look straight at Iwaizumi.

“It’s only because of the memories, and not in any way because of you,” he said firmly. “You haven’t hurt me like this.”

Iwaizumi sighed in relief and closed his eyes.

“I was so worried,” he said and let his words trail off.

Oikawa reached up to press a soft kiss on his lips. Iwaizumi kissed him back, and just that simple kiss made Oikawa’s heart skip a beat.

“Will you please stop hurting yourself?” Iwaizumi asked against Oikawa’s lips.

“Yes,” Oikawa replied, peppering kisses all over Iwaizumi’s mouth. “I don’t think I need it anymore. It doesn’t work any longer, anyway.”

Iwaizumi pulled him up to better reach his lips. They lay hugging and kissing each other for a long while, before Oikawa broke the kiss to look at Iwaizumi again.

“You know,” he said slowly, searching for the right words, “then there’s still the… other matter.”

Iwaizumi hummed in response and stroked Oikawa’s back.

“What do you think?” the alpha asked finally.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to have a baby,” Oikawa said truthfully. “I’m scared. Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa buried his face in Iwaizumi’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of him. Iwaizumi moved his other hand and happened to brush over Oikawa’s nipple. His hand stopped on its track and returned to the nipple.

“What’s this?” he said curiously and touched around the swollen area.

“Are you an idiot, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa sighed. “It’s my boob.”

“Oh my god,” Iwaizumi breathed, still touching the swollen breast. “Oh my god, Tooru. What about birth control?”

“I forgot to take it then,” Oikawa said, pressing his chest against Iwaizumi’s exploring hand. “You know, I had other things in mind.”

“Of course,” Iwaizumi said almost absentmindedly, touching the swollen area from different angles in different ways.

“Do you want to see?” Oikawa asked, startling Iwaizumi.

“What?” the alpha asked uncertainly.

Oikawa sat up and pulled his blood stained shirt over his head, exposing his small breasts. He looked at Iwaizumi who seemed to have frozen to the spot, eyes fixed on the swelling on his chest. He smiled and wiggled his body to make the nipples jitter, and his smile grew wider when Iwaizumi gasped at the sight.

Oikawa leaned closer to his boyfriend, who regained movement and lifted both of his hands up to touch the chest. The fingers pressing on his skin were curiously mapping the entire area, hands finally cupping the swelling of his areola.

“Fuck,” Iwaizumi whispered, and Oikawa pressed closer to the touch.

Iwaizumi swallowed, and Oikawa rubbed his breasts on the calloused hands. It soothed the throbbing in them, and he closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation. Iwaizumi let him do what he wanted, holding his hands still against Oikawa’s warm skin. Oikawa shifted on the bed to better press on the alpha’s body, rolling his hips against a strong thigh. Iwaizumi lifted his leg up to provide him with better pressure on his groin.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whimpered with Iwaizumi’s fingers pressing on his chest, “let’s fuck. Please fuck me.”

Iwaizumi didn’t respond anything. Instead he took a hold of Oikawa’s body and rolled them over. He loomed over Oikawa, looking at the body that was so familiar yet somehow different. Oikawa looked back at him hoping that his eyes were showing all the love he felt at that moment. Iwaizumi pressed a kiss on his lips before diving down to kiss on his chest. Oikawa tangled his fingers in Iwaizumi’s hair, when the hungry mouth found a nipple to suck. Iwaizumi licked over the swollen area and sucked it into his mouth again.

“Yes,” Oikawa whispered.

Iwaizumi’s hand was groping the other breast, massaging it in a soothing manner before pinching on the nipple. Oikawa keened under the touch and arched his back. Iwaizumi dragged his hands down his sides to his hips, where he stopped to grope around.

“Your hips feel different,” he mumbled around a nipple.

“They’ve gotten fat,” Oikawa said, and couldn’t hide the annoyance in his voice.

Iwaizumi lifted his head to look at him straight in the eyes.

“You’re not fat,” the alpha said. “You’re beautiful.”

Oikawa felt himself blush at the words, and he moaned when Iwaizumi returned to playing with his nipples. The room was filled with wet sucking sounds, and Oikawa felt himself getting wet. His pants were already rubbing on his cock in an annoying way, and he wanted Iwaizumi to be naked against him.

“Iwa-chan, hurry,” Oikawa whined.

Iwaizumi didn’t release the nipple he was sucking on, but he did pull Oikawa’s pants down to expose his hips and the hardening cock. Oikawa pulled on Iwaizumi’s shirt and tried to push his trousers off, but with Iwaizumi latched on his chest he didn’t get far. He kicked his own pants off all the way to spread his legs and let Iwaizumi settle between them. Iwaizumi didn’t waste time in pressing a finger against his opening, already slippery with slick. The alpha rubbed around the puckered hole making Oikawa squirm with the feeling before pressing against the opening again, with just enough pressure to make it give in, but not pushing his finger inside yet. Oikawa had his arms around Iwaizumi’s head, and his hips were rolling against the alpha’s finger.

When Iwaizumi finally pressed his finger in, Oikawa moaned and hugged his boyfriend’s head so hard the alpha made a strangled sound and struggled to get out of the hold.

“Careful,” Iwaizumi said before moving on to suck on the other breast while pushing his finger all the way in.

“I want your cock already,” Oikawa complained, wiggling his hips into the finger inside him. “Fuck me now!”

“Patience,” Iwaizumi murmured from around Oikawa’s nipple and twisted his finger inside.

“Fuck,” Oikawa let out, his back a beautiful arch and his hands fisting into the beddings.

Iwaizumi pushed in a second finger, taking his time and slowly pushing them in until his knuckles met Oikawa’s ass.

“Spread me open, Hajime,” Oikawa breathed, trying to fuck himself on the fingers but finding it to be difficult with the way Iwaizumi was lying on him now.

“Are you trying to make me come in my pants?” Iwaizumi asked before spreading the two fingers as much apart as he could inside the tight hole.

Oikawa lifted his hips towards Iwaizumi and let out a shameless moan when Iwaizumi suddenly shoved in a third finger.

“Okay?” Iwaizumi asked, even when it was evident from Oikawa’s reactions that it certainly was okay.

“I want your cock,” Oikawa repeated an earlier plea.

Iwaizumi grunted and withdrew his fingers. Oikawa whined at the loss, but soon enough he felt something much bigger poke at his entrance.

“Are you sure you can take it?” Iwaizumi asked, having finally tossed his shirt away.

“Do it,” Oikawa replied and pushed his hips towards the cock resting against him.

He moaned when the cock pushed in and spread him much more open than Iwaizumi’s fingers had. He relaxed and allowed himself to get lost in the magnificent feeling of being opened up and filled at the same time. Iwaizumi went slow, and Oikawa lifted his arms to pull his alpha down to kiss him. They kissed with open mouths, tongues rubbing against each other, and Iwaizumi’s cock felt huge after such a long time. Oikawa threw his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders and pulled him closer, their nipples brushed together and Iwaizumi’s scent encased him.

“I missed you so much,” Oikawa said into the kiss. “I missed you so much, Hajime.”

“Tooru,” was all Iwaizumi could get out, before his cock was fully sheathed in Oikawa’s body.

The way their bodies immediately started moving together made it seem like they had never been apart. Iwaizumi bent down to mouth on Oikawa’s chest again, and Oikawa met every thrust of his strong hips with his own. Instead of clinging to his alpha Oikawa let his body remain completely open, his legs stretched far back and his hands grasping at his knees. He wanted to keep his eyes open to take in the sight of Iwaizumi hungrily sucking on his breasts and rolling his hips in a smooth motion.

“Hajime, I love you,” Oikawa gasped. “Give me more.”

An animalistic growl left Iwaizumi’s throat when he sped his movements, eagerly thrusting into Oikawa.

“More,” Oikawa groaned, but instead of getting what he wanted, Iwaizumi slowed down to a halt.

“Turn around,” the alpha said with a low breathless voice, and Oikawa obliged.

Iwaizumi pressed Oikawa’s head against the pillow with a gentle hand, and lifted his hips higher. Oikawa fisted his hands into the pillow, and Iwaizumi was filling him again. This time it wasn’t slow and sweet, it was a fast, almost brutal entry, and then Iwaizumi was ramming his hips against Oikawa’s ass. His hands were holding Oikawa’s soft hips, pulling the omega into his thrusts. Oikawa couldn’t hold his voice down, and he didn’t even try. Iwaizumi’s cock was reaching deep inside him, and he felt a pleasure he had let himself forget completely over the past weeks. His legs were shaking with the effort, and his cock was leaking so much pre-come it pooled on the bed.

“Iwa-chan, I’m close,” Oikawa said with urgency in his voice.

“Assikawa,” Iwaizumi replied. “You’re supposed to call me by my first name at this point.”

“Fuck me harder, Hajime,” Oikawa responded with a whimper. “Make me come with your big cock.”

Iwaizumi persistently fucked into Oikawa with the fast speed he had set, and it only took a couple of more thrusts before Oikawa was releasing, his body spasming with the power of his orgasm. Iwaizumi continued thrusting his hips, until Oikawa stopped convulsing, and started moaning again.

Breathing hard Iwaizumi pulled out and turned Oikawa back on his back. Oikawa’s chest was heaving, and Iwaizumi cupped the tiny breasts with his hands. He pushed back inside and continued fucking Oikawa, his hands now rubbing on the swollen nipples with each thrust.

“Fuck,” the alpha mumbled to himself, rubbing on the breasts harder.

“Are you close?” Oikawa asked, still out of breath.

Iwaizumi nodded, and Oikawa tightened his ass to squeeze Iwaizumi’s cock in a new way. He felt the knot quickly forming at the base of his boyfriend’s cock, and he squeezed again to make Iwaizumi moan.

“I love you so much,” Oikawa said quietly.

He reached up to stroke a drop of sweat away from Iwaizumi’s focused brow.

“You’re the only one I need,” he continued.

It only took a few more thrusts before Iwaizumi was coming with a growl, his hands clutching Oikawa’s chest, and his knot anchoring their bodies together.

Iwaizumi nearly collapsed on the bed. He wrapped his arms around Oikawa and rolled them over, so Oikawa was lying on his body.

“Ugh, I think I just rolled over the mess you made,” Iwaizumi said and squirmed.

“Sorry for being so into you,” Oikawa laughed and pressed a soft kiss on Iwaizumi’s nose. “Make me come again?”

Oikawa sat up on Iwaizumi’s lap and rolled his hips expectantly. The alpha laughed and reached a hand to Oikawa’s cock that was still hard. Oikawa bit his lower lip and looked at the way Iwaizumi’s hand covered his entire length. He pushed into the warm touch, and felt a new spurt of come inside him.

“Iwa-chan, so lewd,” Oikawa said and squealed when Iwaizumi squeezed his cock.

The alpha didn’t say anything, just continued to jerk the small cock, until Oikawa was scratching his chest and came with a shudder.

“Happy now?” Iwaizumi asked and wiped his hand on the bed.

Oikawa nodded and let out a pleased hum when he lay back down against Iwaizumi’s chest.

“With you I’m always happy,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still leaves things open, but somehow this fic needed to only be about the way iwaoi can handle such a big trauma. I'm thinking of probably returning with more at some point, but it depends on how much inspiration I can find. Like I said at the beginning of this fic, I don't like writing happy stories, so I keep going for lots of pain. Sorry, Oikawa!
> 
> I'm on twitter @mean_whale if you want to talk about omegaverse and painful AU ideas I'm totally into that!


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